History Lesson

Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
& would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were
the invention of
Beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was
invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundation of modern
civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that
was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can
were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting
around waiting
for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's
how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals
to BBQ at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning
of what is known
as the "Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
BBQs and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the
beginning of "the
Liberal movement". Some of these liberal men
eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the
concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and
beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by
the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals
are symbolized by
the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),
but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are
standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of
their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood
and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also
bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat
and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and
generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own
companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern! " the
producers and decide what to do with their
production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That
is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created
a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should
be noted that a
Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the
above before simply
giggling and forwarding it. A Conservative will be so
convinced of the
absolute truth of this history that it will be
forwarded immediately to
other "true believers."

"Dan J.S." <me (AT) hyperx (DOT) com> wrote

I guess I will be the one to bust your bubble...hardly anyone will be
forwarding this because it has been floating around so long that most
everyone has seen it.

I know. This is just to remind communist liberals why they may enjoy group
hugs.

"Dan J.S." <me (AT) hyperx (DOT) com> wrote

Of course it is. As a man who leans to the left politically, I find it
amusing how so-called conservatives constantly have to reassert their
manliness. (your post for example) Heck, repeat it as often as necessary.
After a while, I am sure people will be convinced. If not, buy yourself a
lifted 4X4 truck. Then there will be no mistaking how secure you are.

"Truckdude" <unrealemail (AT) cox (DOT) net> wrote

I might have to sell the two Porsches, and the Austin Martin - I was going
after the wrong cars! AND YOU SHOWED ME THE WAY.

Thank you, hero!

Now, if someone could prescribe me some Viagra, I would definitely see the
light and lean left myself!

Truckdude wrote:
Most of these pussy republicans ... sheesh, they wouldn't even get
their asses kicked, they'd be too busy running.

Manliness. Hilarious.

"Dan J.S." <me (AT) hyperx (DOT) com> wrote

Oh man! You showed me! Bragging about the expensive cars was a nice touch.
Go ahead and swagger all day now! You deserve it! (BTW, the Viagra comment
was probably a bit too much information for us. Good luck with that.)

"Learning Richard" <learningrichard (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote

You mean run like the liberals want to run from Iraq?

Dan J.S. wrote:
Google this group for 500,000

"Truckdude" <unrealemail (AT) cox (DOT) net> wrote

Problem with the bragging is that I really do not own any of those cars
mentioned, and it was a sarcastic comment. This is exactly why we can have
so much fun with the liberals. I drive a Toyota, and I love it!